In moments of pressure, many of us fall into reaction—defensiveness, over-explaining, shutting down. The Pause Technique is a simple yet powerful tool to help us respond with clarity and intention, even under stress. This blog-style version of the class invites you to explore pausing as a relational skill, not just an individual one.
📛 Why Pause?
To respond with presence and choice—especially under pressure. Neuroscience tells us that when we’re triggered, our brain shifts into protection mode (Porges, 2011). Pausing allows us to return to the social engagement system—where connection, empathy, and clarity live.
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”
– Often attributed to Viktor Frankl
🌟 Core Technique
- Square into the person – Face them, ground yourself.
- Acknowledge the comment – “Good question,” “I see,” etc.
- Announce a pause – “Let me think about that for a moment…”
- Let other choices come up – Breathe, feel, reflect.
- Respond – With clarity and intention.
These steps engage self-awareness and somatic regulation, drawing from practices of mindfulness (Kabat-Zinn, 2003) and interpersonal neurobiology (Siegel, 2010).
🔀 Variations of the Pause Technique
| Technique | What It Looks Like | When to Use It |
| Silent Pause | Say nothing, take a few breaths | In tense or unexpected moments |
| Anchored Pause | Touch heart, feel feet, breathe | When emotions run high |
| Reframing Pause | “Let me see if I understand…” | To clarify and buy time |
| Curious Pause | “Can you say more about that?” | To open space before reacting |
🦺 When You’re In Threatening Situations
- Use neutral acknowledgments to ground:
“Okay.” / “Got it.” / “I hear you.” / Nods
“That’s a lot.” / “That’s heavy.” / “Wow.” - Stay physically open—even if emotionally activated.
- Allow space for yourself to come back online.
Workshop Format:
30–60 Minutes
Audience: Professionals, educators, team leads, coaches
🗝 Purpose
To practice pausing under pressure — in a way that helps us respond from clarity, and helps others feel seen and heard.
🛠 Workshop Structure
1. Welcome & Framing (5–10 min)
- Ground with breath or body scan.
- Name the goal: respond with presence instead of pressure.
- Emphasize pausing as relational, not just personal:
“This isn’t about avoiding. It’s about showing up differently — for ourselves, and for each other.”
2. Teach the Core Technique (5–10 min) Walk through the 5 steps, with demonstrations.
3. Practice in Non-Threatening Scenarios (10–15 min)
- Pair or group exercises using light prompts like:
“What’s your favorite movie?” - Focus on doing all five steps.
- Debrief: What came up? What helped?
4. Introduce Variations (5–10 min) Use the table above. Invite people to try different styles.
5. Apply in Hot Scenarios (10–15 min)
- Try with “high heat” prompts like:
- “You don’t seem like you care.”
- “You need to answer this now.”
- Emphasize neutral acknowledgment + pause.
6. To Be Seen and Heard (5 min)
- Ask: “How does pausing help the other person feel seen and heard?”
- Link to the concept of co-regulation (Cozolino, 2014).
7. Wrap-Up & Takeaways (5 min)
- Pausing is a practice, not a fix.
- Ask: Where could you try this next?
“Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is not answer right away.”
🎭 Pause Technique Roleplay Cards
Print these or use them verbally.
Non-Threatening Scenarios
- “What’s your favorite vacation spot?”
- “Do you like dogs or cats more?”
- “What’s the best meal you’ve ever had?”
- “If you could have any superpower, what would it be?”
- “What do you like to do on weekends?”
Moderate Heat Scenarios
- “Can you cover for me this weekend?”
- “You were late again—what happened?”
- “Why didn’t you speak up in the meeting?”
- “You said you’d take care of that. What’s the update?”
- “Do you actually believe what you just said?”
High-Heat / Threatening Scenarios
- “That’s not good enough.”
- “You always make it about yourself.”
- “If you’re not going to lead, then maybe you should step aside.”
- “This is exactly why no one trusts you.”
- “You need to fix this right now.”
🔁 Daily Practice
Use in low-stakes moments:
- “Let me think for a second.”
- “Hmm, give me a breath here…”
- Breathe. Ground. Then respond.
📝 Journal Prompts
- Did I pause when I wanted to?
- What helped or got in the way?
- What did I notice in myself and others?
🤝 Partner Practice
Ask: “Can I practice pausing with you this week?”
🎯 Choose a Setting
Try the pause in:
- Meetings
- Family conversations
- Conflict
- Email or text replies
🪞 Reflect
What changes when I give myself permission to pause—even under pressure?
📚 References (APA Style)
Cozolino, L. (2014). The neuroscience of human relationships: Attachment and the developing social brain (2nd ed.). W. W. Norton & Company.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-based interventions in context: Past, present, and future. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10(2), 144–156.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.
Siegel, D. J. (2010). The mindful therapist: A clinician’s guide to mindsight and neural integration. W. W. Norton & Company.
